4-12-10 2002
There are some days when you just feel especially bummed for no real reason at all, today just so happened to be one of those days. Maybe it was the weather which was overcast and gloomy (but luckily no rain), maybe loneliness has finally started to set in, or maybe it was simple boredom. I think today’s post is going to be a uplifting as watching a fish slowly die in the desert, flopping away its last dying breath while beginning to simmer on the searing sand.
And don’t sit there and try and tell me it’s all because I haven’t had as much fruit as I should, today I had half a pineapple!! Fresh, cut in front of me, and pierced with a solid stick, all for only $.60. Ah frugality, that did make me a little better.
I slept in which might have been what lead to this whole mood in the first place, sleeping in is just against my nature, and human beings hate being inconsistent. I got some stuff done though, a little laundry that kind of thing. The problem with no dryer here is your almost completely dependent on the weather to dry your clothes, which kind of sucks when Shanghai is an extremely moist city.
Even Yiyi couldn’t cheer me up because she is super sick today, and by super sick I mean she had to go to the hospital yesterday for an IV drip. Is she at work today? Yes. Could I convince her to go home? No. Is she just as crazy as I am? Quite possibly. I know you got your wedding and honeymoon coming up, I know you have work to do, but come on; killing yourself is going to make things any better. I can’t help it though, in my own way I admire her determination.
I’m also starting a English Corner for the MBA program, which is basically like a group that gets together to practice English. Not quite sure how I always end up doing these kinds of things, when I’m bored I just feel like starting something. Maybe I should tell my future employers that if they keep me in a constant state of boredom my initiative will sky rocket.
I did at least get out today, my mission being to buy a decent umbrella (which I failed at). Though I did find this spiffy looking ring that I might go back and buy, sadly I don’t know what the price is but other rings around the store were selling for around 250 – 300 RMB which is in the $50 range. We’ll see, I’ll wait a week and see if I still want it. I need to start reigning in my expenditures. Which may be another root cause of my depression, I haven’t been making money, which is something I’ve always found to brighten my mood.
I also went to Lujiabang Lu Station and walked all the way too Xiaonanmen Station. Mostly just housing and little stores, but I like these places in Shanghai; the places were Westerners really don’t travel much. It gives me the feeling that I’m actually in China and not at some amusement park. I just wish I could convince the others to enjoy it with me.
I grabbed some bread on the way back from a bakery, along with three sticks of green beans and three sticks of beef from a local street merchant that I often buy from. It was pretty tasty, but again eating alone just bums the hell out of me.
I should note that’s it’s not like I don’t have friends, or it’s not like I couldn’t hang out with people if I wanted to. It’s just that I don’t want to hang out with a group, and I don’t want to spend my time in Shanghai in the dorms, which basically eliminates everyone I know here. I want to be outside, experiencing things, or at least observing them, and I just want to hang out with someone else that sees the value in that, but I haven’t really found that person. Not that I’m blaming anyone, they’ve got classes, and other work and such that keeps them tied to their room (on that note there is NO WAY I would have been able to do this internship and the classes at the same time). I get that it but it just… doesn’t really make me feel any better. I wish I could teleport some of the high school gang here, but of course they have their own shit that they’re dealing with.
One of the things that most people like about being single is that they get to do what they want, when they want, without the approval of anyone else. I’ve had that most of my life, and honestly it’s gotten old. I don’t want to chase anyone; I just want someone to simply be there willing to take a walk with me. I’m tired of it always being so one sided, it has left a bitter taste in my mouth. Another random sentence about wallowing in my own self pity.
Glad I got that out of my system, I think I’m going to go watch a movie now.
Night.
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